Setting up the Big Wave
What does it take to get somewhere in life, and is it really necessary? I am not apathetic, but the twinge of quite desperation seems like an inescapable spectre, even in the times when I try to "relax" it rears its grey-green head. I'm sure that this feeling will haunt me till I'm old, especially to someone of mediocre talent such as myself. Knowledgeable and somewhat clever, but not consistent enough to amount to anything. I know I'm not alone in this sentiment, millions of others in the world have lived their lives in this manner. Having talents that shine at times, only to find that they're mediocre in the grand scheme. What's it take to escape this whining anxiety? It would be an interesting study to see how much the fear of mediocrity pushes those in the upper ranks of any respective field.
If one were to grow up in the U.S among equals, they would understand what this feels like. Success abound but none for you, unless you throw away everything that you've held dear in your life. Maybe that's why attachment is a sin, you can be damn productive without it. Damn certain though, trying to succeed in the land of opportunity is a schizophrenic nightmare. It makes one wonder what the merits of equality really are. Inequality is a convenience when it comes to life achievement and security, no wonder its so pervasive. Competition does produce a hell of a healthy society and system, the problem is the struggle is never ending. Survival is a heavy burden, survival in relative happiness is one that I can't help but be miserable in achieving. Maybe one day someone will read these words and provide an answer to my question. As for right now, I'll stop bitching and get on with my existence, as has been going on for billions of years with much greater problems than my whining paranoia.
Maybe there's a solution somewhere, as many wise men have said, its the question that's the start. Granted asking how to escape from one's success anxiety isn't as fallacious as asking "why not kill myself?", but simultaneously both have a right to be answered when they're posed. I couldn't imagine a world without this anxiety either though, would it be paradise, or another re--wrapping of hell?
If one were to grow up in the U.S among equals, they would understand what this feels like. Success abound but none for you, unless you throw away everything that you've held dear in your life. Maybe that's why attachment is a sin, you can be damn productive without it. Damn certain though, trying to succeed in the land of opportunity is a schizophrenic nightmare. It makes one wonder what the merits of equality really are. Inequality is a convenience when it comes to life achievement and security, no wonder its so pervasive. Competition does produce a hell of a healthy society and system, the problem is the struggle is never ending. Survival is a heavy burden, survival in relative happiness is one that I can't help but be miserable in achieving. Maybe one day someone will read these words and provide an answer to my question. As for right now, I'll stop bitching and get on with my existence, as has been going on for billions of years with much greater problems than my whining paranoia.
Maybe there's a solution somewhere, as many wise men have said, its the question that's the start. Granted asking how to escape from one's success anxiety isn't as fallacious as asking "why not kill myself?", but simultaneously both have a right to be answered when they're posed. I couldn't imagine a world without this anxiety either though, would it be paradise, or another re--wrapping of hell?
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