The worst pretty much did happen

That persistent injury turned out to be massive labral tears in my right hip. I ended up getting blood clots because of surgery. I also missed out on three job opportunities because I was completely disabled for the last three months.

I have experienced being dead and have seen what the world would look like without me. The most horrifying thing about this whole experience was the total confirmation that the world could get by perfectly well without me. I am totally replaceable. I wonder if this harsh reality has ever been made as visible to other people, and if it has, how the hold their confidence.

Now that it has been a month and three weeks. I am able to function again in the hip, only to have other critical systems fail me. now I can't breathe. AGAIN. Hate the body, kill the mind. resent the body, sharpen it hopefully.

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